I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
