I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They took my balls.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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