I accidentally had phone sex last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
