Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
