There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this boner is exhausting
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i think my cat just said my name.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
