Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
3 2 1 whiskey
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
