I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
