I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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