# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
