remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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