your thong is hanging out like whoa
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
