it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
