So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
