also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
