I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
