I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
