i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize