he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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