Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
