I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So. Much. Porn.
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