Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
