I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
