OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize