just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
