he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
