So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
