oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
