I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
