thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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