People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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