he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
