1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
