we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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