There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
