my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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