its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sext me about skeletons
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
