I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We have so much sex to catch up on
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
