We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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