How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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