at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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