so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
