Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
