I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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