just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
