He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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