she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A bitchslap is in order.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
