Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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