It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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