When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
