i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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