We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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