You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
