i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Come see our sink grown plant.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
