Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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