Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
