He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
