put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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