I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
