Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
