i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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