I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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