Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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