Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
