How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
FUCK WHALES
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