guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My liver just had a heart attack.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
