I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
