i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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