yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
