its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
