like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
