party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
