Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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