just tell him i said nine months
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
