there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
